5 Signs Your Marriage Can’t Be Salvaged and Where to Turn Next
Finding the Right Path to Take When Your Marriage Comes to a Close
All married couples experience problems at times. After all, when you share a life, a home, and finances, certain differences are bound to arise. You can solve some problems some of the time, but it’s impossible to come to a solid agreement on everything. Sometimes, even an acceptable compromise seems out of the question.
Arguments, hardships, and frustrations are common in marriages. People simply accept them and resolve them to the best of their abilities. In some cases, they ultimately just agree to disagree on a point of contention. Those typical hurdles aren’t necessarily reasons to end a marriage.
Knowing When It’s Time to Walk Away
Having said that, some marital problems run far deeper than the common, somewhat trivial, obstacles. They cause ongoing pain and unhappiness for everyone involved. Where, exactly, is that line, though? How do you decide a marriage can’t be salvaged? Although not all situations are absolute, the following five warning signs may be indications that it’s time for an Alabama divorce.
Trust Is No Longer Part of Your Relationship
A complete lack of trust is one of the most surefire signs that a relationship can’t be salvaged. This is also one of the most complex relationship problems couples face. Loss of trust can stem from several issues.
Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce in America. Some couples can rebuild their relationship after one of them has an affair. It may take time, effort, and even therapy, but it’s not impossible.
If infidelity has been a recurring problem, though, it’s not likely to change at this point. Trying to rebuild trust after repeated affairs is often fruitless. Even if your partner’s cheating does come to a halt, you’ll probably still have ongoing trust issues that could cause serious problems for the remainder of your life together. You’ll always be wondering if something unsavory is going on behind your back.
Habitual Lying
Habitual lying is another reason for broken and possibly unrepairable trust. For example, say your spouse has a habit of telling you he or she has paid the bills, but that repeatedly turns out to be untrue. Perhaps your spouse routinely lies about where he or she goes after leaving the house. Even after getting caught in those deceptions, your spouse may continue to insist they’re the truth.
If chronic lying has led to a loss of trust in your relationship, there may be no other solution besides ending the marriage. It’s not easy to regain trust after it’s lost. As is the case with infidelity, long-running habitual lying isn’t likely to go away.
Acting Irresponsibly
Acting irresponsibly may lead to a lack of trust as well. If your partner consistently makes promises only to break them, trust will inevitably fade over time. Breaking dates and routinely forgetting important occasions also fall into this category. So does frivolous spending that causes financial hardships for your family. If you’ve come to distrust your spouse because he or she is, essentially, a flake, it may be time to consider divorce.
Constant Fighting
Constant fighting in a relationship is a warning sign that it may be time to walk away. Every couple argues at times; it’s inevitable. You stay angry with each other for a few hours or days. Then, you apologize, make up, and move on with your life together.
If those heated disagreements have transcended the occasional spat, though, they’re a problem. They create unending stress and tension in a relationship. That, in turn, leads to a long list of problems. From the most basic perspective, you’ll both be miserable. Beneath the surface, endless arguments can affect your physical and mental health as well as that of your partner.
Studies have shown that relentless arguing in a relationship can lead to reduced immunity, which means you’re both likely to be sick more often. You’ll be slower to recover from illnesses and injuries too. Incessant fighting has also been linked to higher blood pressure and an increased risk of anxiety and depression. Those are only a few of the possibilities. Constantly arguing with your spouse can have the same effects on your children as well.
Failure to Communicate
Perhaps relentless fighting isn’t a problem in your relationship. Maybe you and your partner don’t fight at all. In fact, you rarely even talk beyond a basic “Good morning,” or “See you later.”
You don’t joke around and laugh with each other the way you once did. Those heartfelt conversations you used to have are no longer part of your life. At one time, the two of you could talk all night long about any topic imaginable, but now, you fall asleep without a word to one another. You don’t even discuss basic household decisions at this point.
A complete lack of communication can be just as detrimental to your health and relationship as constant arguing. Some experts feel it’s even more harmful. At least when you’re arguing, you’re blowing off steam and letting out some of your negative emotions. When you’re not communicating at all, you’re holding everything inside.
If the lines of communication have broken down in your home, consider trying to reopen them a little at a time. If both of you make an effort to talk and reconnect, that could save your marriage. On the other hand, maybe you’ve tried, but it’s just not working. In a situation like that, it may be time to end the relationship.
You’re a Victim of Abuse
Living with abuse is a definitive sign that it’s time to walk away from your marriage. That’s the case whether the abuse is physical, emotional, or financial. Any abusive partner can promise to change. Yours likely will if you threaten to leave. Unfortunately, though, only a fraction of those who make such promises actually follow through with them.
To truly, permanently change for the better, an abusive partner has to fully understand the depth of his or her actions and how they’re affecting you. Your partner has to learn to identify what causes the patterns of abusive behavior and be willing to overcome them. In most cases, abusers are more apt to blame their partners for their actions and make excuses for themselves.
You Dread Coming Home
Do you voluntarily work late even though it’s not really necessary? Do you routinely make up errands to run just to get out of the house? If you’ve come to realize that you dread spending time at home, your relationship may be over.
Before deciding to end the relationship, delve deeper into why you don’t want to go home. Is it because you know you’ll end up arguing with your partner from the time you get home until you fall asleep? Does staying away from home keep you safe from your partner’s abuse?
It could be that you know you’ll inevitably just end up sitting in silence on the opposite end of the sofa from your partner. Because of that, you feel more alone when you’re with your spouse than you do otherwise. Maybe you dread going home because you haven’t been honest with your spouse about something. In your guilt, you’re struggling to face your partner or afraid they already know what you did.
Think about why you want to spend as little time at home as possible. Consider whether the problem can be resolved. If there’s a chance it can, then speak up about it. It may lead to an uncomfortable conversation, but that’s better than holding it in. At the very least, it’ll give you a better idea of whether trying to salvage your relationship or walking away from it would be the better option.
Where to Turn Next
In the event you’re ready to walk away from your marriage, it’s best not to handle the situation on your own. Reach out to your family members and close friends for emotional support. There’s no harm in turning to a counselor as well. Professional counselors can give you guidance and tools to help you cope with the pain, anger, sadness, resentment, and other negative feelings you’re experiencing.
Additionally, consider consulting with a divorce attorney. Professional legal counsel can help make the divorce process less complicated and confusing. A lawyer can help you work through all the finer details of the divorce, like spousal support, child custody and support, visitation, and division of assets and debts. Working with an attorney will improve your chances of a fair outcome so you can more effectively move on with your life.
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